For my Phoenix

To the sound of you breathing,
I fall asleep tonight.
In silent awe of this moment,
I feel your chest rise
and fall with perfect rhythm
that lets me know you sleep;
easy catching up tonight,
knowing it's of me that you dream.

(I love you)
------------------------------------

With each day of teaching, I realize more and more what a ridiculous language English is. I feel bad for my Ajumas (the older women I teach) when I can't explain why certain phrases and word usages are the way they are. "That's just how it is" doesn't seem like a fair explanation, but I find I have to use it far too often. Some lessons, I leave class feeling like I've only created more questions than provided answers, but sometimes--like with many aspects of life--things have to get messier before they're cleaned up. And it's in those moments, the moments where I see the proverbial lighbulb switch on, that I feel a giddy sense of accomplishment at knowing we're making progress. Sure, I know there are other teachers out there who could provide the same thing I do, but I also like to think I'm forging a deeper relationship with my students than most would bother to. I'm building a trust with them, and it makes every day totally worth it.

It's the simple things: the "you the best teacher" comments from the Ajumas, and the "I love yous" from my little angels, accompanied with goobery kisses on the cheek. The way my little class of 5-year-old macho men challenges me to arm-wrestling, or how little Wendy can turn the story of how she found a pencil into a 20-minute epic full of wizards, shrimp biscuits, monsters, and pigeon-rabbits. The getting punched in the balls on a daily basis--wait, that sucks. Teaching is not all fun and games, and there are a fair share of days that I leave class wanting to strangle a puppy, but so far it's been manageable.

Today, like every Friday, I have to go teach at my other school in Gwangali, which I think makes Fridays my least favorite day of the week. It's not that there's necessarily anything bad about it, but I don't like only having an hour per week with each class. The class sizes are all much bigger than at CBS, so I can't really get to know the kids; shoot, I'm yet to learn even half of their names. The school is more about business and disciplined learning, which causes class to feel more like detention than anything. I have two English-speaking Korean "co-teachers" always in the room, but all they're really good for is answering the questions I pose to the students before the students have a chance to think. "Thank you, Chloe, I know YOU know that this is a triangle, but I was asking finger-up-his-nose-Charlie." And sometimes I feel like they only come to class for the sake of getting English lessons themselves (they seem to have trouble with many of the two-syllable words in the reading books), or for ruining my pronunciation lessons. "Okay, everyone repeat: BALL. BAHLLLLL." And then Chloe, louder than everyone else: "BOOORRR. BOOOOORRRR." Thanks a lot. Do you want me to be here or not? Because I'd be much happier twiddling my thumbs with the bum down the road.